Fitness update at 32 weeks

So...just to update my blog on fitness stuff (wish I could honestly say "running")...I thought I'd inform ya'll of my latest adventure with the jogging stroller hittin the streets!  Cece and I took advantage of a cooler morning yesterday of 85 degrees and hit the streets.  We did a regular running route around the neighborhood, without my Garmin. I couldn't remember how the mileage, but figured it would be fun and we could get out the kinks and check out some goats and horses along the way.  Over 2 hours later, I realized this route was at least 6.5 miles long and my hips and lower back were feelin' it!!!  I only stopped 1 time to pee (could've used another stop) and was dying when we got to the home stretch.  The first mile or two I was feeling pretty good...until the bladder filled up and prompted some really uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions...which continued until I was able to find a place to pee...then good again till mile 4+....

The reality is that my walking stance is widened which puts so much pressure and stress on those tendons holding my hips together....so that area just takes a beating~~I guess I'm back to the boring gym working on that stair climber or the eliptical.  I get a much better workout with less stress on all those other areas!!! Am I a whimp or what??!!!!!

Aaron is getting ready for his 10mile obstacle course this weekend and has been pretty hardcore in his training efforts (but only on the weekends)!!! I'm super proud of my burly mountain man!!! I can't wait to see how it all unfolds!!!!

At 32 weeks, the baby is head down and still very active.  My doctor appointment last week went well and my doctor said the working out is great and not to worry about the contractions that come and go, as long as they stop when I'm resting.  Great news!!! He is a huge advocate of pregnancy fitness!!! So, I guess I'm off to the gym today...then to my parent's while Cece spends time at preschool!!! Next blog, I will update with news from Cece's very 1st soccer game and Aaron's "he-man" event!!! love to all!!!

Cece fun, Prego Fitness and Soccer Mom Adventures!

16 weeks

29 Weeks

24 Weeks

So, it's been an adventurous summer and almost time for Fall!!!! We've had lots of fun in the sun...enjoying the pool at the health club catching some rays and teaching Cece the basics of swimming. She's made lots of progress since last year and almost completely conquered her fear of the water.  Now she holds her breath and kicks her feet....even jumping in to Mommy (which is a huge trust  thing)!!!

almost 31 weeks

I'm feeling huge and still (however awkward it may appear) attend the gym and jump on any eliptical/stairclimber/natural runner machine available! I'm in search of the endorphins that working out blesses me with! I NEED to feed my addiction LOL!!! I can do the stair climber for about 1hour 10 minutes then head to the weights for some toning and strength training.  My usual workout time doesn't exceed 1hr30 min, but I leave feeling super awesome!  It doesn't compare with running a 50k or marathon, but sure does the job for now!

Family night! Candyland fun!!!

Aaron continues to work in the bay area during the week and we wait with baited breath for him to come home on the weekends! Candyland and GoFish have been our family night entertainment lately and Cece is getting to be quite the cardshark! LOL!!! She keeps us laughing for sure!! The little lady is quite the sophistocated preschooler who can be heard saying......"I'm gonna lay my M-O-N-E-Y down!!" We've also had fun on the occasional bike trail excursion helping Aaron in his training for the Tough Mudder in Squaw Valley.  We haven't had many days cool enough for all of us to hit the trail together, but Daddy is putting some miles in for sure!! It took me some getting used to and I've finally resolved myself to my sideline status, but it was sooooo frustrating at first!!! He's completed a couple 10 milers (solo) and has been done several "hill training" days which make me sooooo proud!!! I love to see the dirt ring around his ankles!!! If only he can keep up his enthusiasm for trail running for after this baby comes!!! I will be a happy wife!!!

Daddy n' Cece Love Summer Dinner Out

Birthday Roller Skating Outfit

Cece celebrated her 4th birthday and was dying for some rollerskates and all the protection available~!!! I never know where she comes up with these requests since most of the time!!! She has been practicing INSIDE the house for fear of falling on the asphalt or concrete~~ It will be fun to see what happens when we hit the streets!!!

Tahoe Cabin with Cousins

We had such fun in Tahoe with all the Nelsons! We missed you Adam!!! Cece is always in Heaven when she's playing with her counterparts (cousins Kennedy and Bailey)!!!! We celebrated her birthday in Tahoe and were able to even have her "Hawaaian Luau" celebration on the beach!!!

Cece requested a "Hawaaian Bday"

Birthday Aloha!!

Tahoe Trail Run with Daddy

Summer time also included an excursion to Ikea to get ideas and plans for the baby's bedroom.  Cece absolutely loves pretending in the "model bedrooms" and kitchens etc.  She totally gets into the experience!!!

Shopping at Ikea with Mommy!

Soccer practice for her under-6 team began on August 8 and she smiled the whole time~~!! Even holding hands with Bailey while running down the field! Not sure how effective of a defense strategy that would be, but it was sure dang cute!!!

Bailey and Cece 1st Soccer Practice EVER!!!

Kennedy and Cece 2nd Soccer Practice!!

We did a sweet memorial honoring Hunter on his 10th Birthday by releasing 10 balloons into the sky! It had already been an emotional month after losing my 98 year old Grandma and preparing for her memorial 2 days after Hunter's birthday......Cece was so excited for Hunter to catch these balloons we were sending to him in Heaven.  Needless to say, alot of our conversations included Heaven and earthly bodies and spirits and what happens in heaven, and the idea of when we will all be together again! It sure takes a mature little being to grasp all that deep stuff! My little girl is a wise little spirit and looks at me with eyes of complete understanding beyond her years!

10 Balloons for Hunter's 10th Birthday~~~!!! 
We love you Hunter!! Miss you!!!

My niece Kelsey and I at Baa's Memorial!! We love you Baa!!!

Grandpa Tim and Cece examining the Bees on their stroll down the block~!

Grandpa Tim is getting around on his wheelchair speedily! He's adjusting well to it after some physical therapy and moral support!!! Grandma Judi is adjusting to life with Grandpa Tim in a wheelchair and trying to keep a positive attitude, but change can be difficult after each had so much independence in the past!!! Keep up the good work Granny grams and Grandpa!!!

Not at a loss for words, but just energy!!!

I thought it a good idea to copy the post I made to a blog entry by Rosie Pope the "Maternity Concierge" from "Pregnant in Heels".  She was airing her feelings related to becoming a mother and how difficult the journey can be for some people and for her in particular.  She has two children but each was a struggle to concieve and had suffered multiple miscarriages, etc to finally be where she is today.  She asked the question to readers of whether she should "try to get pregnant" once again.  She explained the anxiety and heartache that accompanies the journey and even the potential to jump on the "trying train" once again.  Here's my reply........(kinda sums up my feelings lately)....

I feel for you Rosie! Children are such a blessing, yet some come by them so easily that the thought of having children or getting pregnant is taken for granted! We are in a peculair position as well...for different reasons, but understand your situation and the emotions surrounding it well. For us it is a genetic issue and having children biologically means taking the risk of passing a biologic condition to our children. We loved and lost a son at four years old and then chose to try IVF with PGS (preimplantation genetic screening). After two failed cycles and no money left, we searchd our souls and decided to pursue the road of adoption. We are now blessed with a beautiful daughter! She came to us from the foster system at almost three (we were really wanting an infant), but it is obvious to us that we were all a match made in heaven. To our shock and utter dismay, we became pregnant by accident (after 10 years of banning that option completely)...And have chosen to NOT find out the genetic status of this baby. I am 30 weeks and scared, happy and still in a little shock to be in this position. But, we know what a blessing each little child is and ALL of the logical matters surrounding the idea of children and family pale in comparison to the love and joy that comes with the blessing of parenting, however these little ones make it into your heart. So, the anxiety, fear and heart ache that are a part of this journey for you and for me go hand in hand with the type of mother that you are. You love your children (even the potential ones) so much and that's what makes you the wonderful mother that you are! If that makes sense... If only there were more mothers like you out there!!! If even the thought of them or not having them makes you fearful or full of anxiety....it is indeed proof that you they are meant for you and you were meant for them!!! Love hurts, doesn't it!!! But it's worth every bit!!!! Sorry for the rant!!!! Best wishes!!! 

It's a Boy!

I must preface this post by begging forgiveness for my absence for the past month! So much has happened in such a short time and I have been completely overwhelmed!

1) My dad fell down while on his crutches back in early June, leaving him injured and wheelchair bound for the past month...(and extremely needy)- An MRI determined that he has fractured his pelvis...and sees the doctor (finally) tomorrow.  My mom has been struggling to care for him and adjusting to his neediness.. (he's always been extremely independent).  I have tried to pitch in as much as I can, but always feel like I should be doing more to help.

 2)  My oldest sister Karen came to visit from Hayden Lake, Idaho and brought my niece Chelsey with her.  We were all super happy to have them and loved spending time catching up and having fun.... In between the laughter were the tears that came

3)  with my Grandma's heartattack and later her passing....as well as the emotional stuff that comes with facing the challenges of our dad's current lack of independence and health issues.  He has always been the rock of our family and it seems as though roles are now changing and Mom is taking on that role for now.  Things will shift and change as each of us have stronger times while others may feel more vulnerable and needy.  This is just how it seems to go  during stressful times.   I just love my parents and am so glad that I live close to make sure they stay out of trouble!!! LOL!!!! Right now....they are being very rebellious to my strict orders to keep everything calm!!! 

I vascilate between sadness and gratitude due to the recent loss of my 98 year old Grandma Baa!!! She passed away last weekend due to the effects of a massive heart attack 1 week earlier.  She was an inspiration to all who knew her!!! We are so blessed to have been her decendents and each of us are better people because of her example of patience, love and peaceful nature. She was the most generous woman I know and was a devoted wife, mother and grandmother, great grandmother and great-great grandma all of her adult life!!! I will miss her so!!!


4)  Aaron is still working out of town which made all of the above items even more challenging!!!

5)  An undisclosed family member  is currently struggling- requiring support and love........H-E-L-P!!!
To love = To hurt for those you love!!!!

6)  See #4

7)  On an exciting note...........The baby showed HIS family jewels on the ultrasound machine yesterday while the doctor was peeking to check placenta.  It was a surprise ultrasound so I had no time to worry, or chicken out!!! We had decided to pass on the anatomy screening on the 20 week visit, so I thought I had passed on the gender part too!!...but VIOLA!!! What a wonderful surprise!!! We will continue to pray for this little guy and cross our fingers and toes that he is completely healthy!!! He sure moves and grooves alot and looked very handsome on the ultrasound!!!   He is extremely active and much more so than Hunter ever was in utero! This MUST be a good sign!!!!!! Keep the prayers coming!!!

8) Trying to stick to my gym routine....ran 6.5 miles at 20 weeks, but have stuck with the low impact eliptical stuff since getting scared by a friend telling me that my bladder could end up prolapsing if I continued the running while pregnant!  Still manage to do 1.5 hours of cardio then some weights, squats and other stuff that makes me feel good!  I ran a few miles on the treadmill after the eliptical the other day and it felt sooooo DAMN good!!!! But, I think it is smart to stick to the non-impact (boring) crap, just to be safe....I still get a good workout and a few endorphins....that's all that matters, right??? !!!!

 ------

Aaron is showing off these days while training for this stupid Tough Mudder 10 mile obstacle course he paid 150 bucks to register for !!! (sensing the resentment???)   He ran 10 miles on Sunday while Cece and I were at church!!! I couldn't believe it! I try to set him up with all the right gear, nurtrition, etc for his runs and he laughs at me (usually)...We'll just see who will be laughing when he bonks out on the trail next time!!!! LOL!!! I never thought I'd see the day when my redneck loverboy would be sporting trail shoes and carrying a neon green amphipod water bottle with his body-glide (anti chaffing stuff) and GU chomps stuffed in his pockets- running with MY ipod and MY playlists!!!!! WHAT THE HECK just happened????!!!!!

Cece is of course the light of my life and keeps me laughing continually! I marvel at Heavenly Father's hand in bringing her into our family! I cannot imagine life without her!!!!!!! She is so excited about her baby brother and talks, kisses and sings to him daily!!! We are so blessed to have her !!! She inspires me to be a better mommy, wife and woman EVERYDAY!!!! Thank you sweetie!!!  Her 4th birthday is at the end of this month and she is soooo excited!!

* Interesting dates to think about.....
Hunter's Birthday 8-18
Cece's due date 8-18
Hunter's passing...11-10
New Baby's Due date 11-6
- I wonder when the baby will actually come???? The doctor said at the ultrasound..."This is your angel coming right back to you.".....Could it be???????

Dreams and Reality........

Can I just say that I love to dream and wish that dreams were my reality?!!! The truth of the matter is.....my 20 week ultrasound was scheduled for tomorrow, but Aaron is working in SF and unable to make it...so I rescheduled it for a Friday (next Friday).  This means that we are delaying the reality of finding out the gender of this little one and the unknown status of his/her genetic status (healthy or affected).  I love living in this place of utter denial.  It does tend to fill my mind with wonder and a bit of anxiety, but not the kind of anxiety that comes with knowingly carrying a baby with health issues.  

So, I type away this evening hoping that little Cece is falling back asleep after having woke herself up because of coughing.  Mommy gave her a little drink with honey to help with the froggy throat issue.  She has difficulty putting herself to sleep, period... so, this should be interesting.  The truth is, I am just plain tired tonight and want her to magically be a little miss self-soother!! I can hear her couging now and I believe it is a faulty alarm because now I hear her talking to herself...Darnit!!!!

I'm back...she's still awake...rocked, sang, rubbed, patted and rocked some more! Still Awake!!! I'm screaming inside...it's been 2.5 hours now and I left her to try again all by herself.  Bedtimes have improved tremendously over the past couple of months, but only if there has NOT been any sort of nap.  She usually only requires a song and a few minutes of patting, or rocking and VIOLA, she's asleep.  Unfortunately...nights like this rear their ugly heads, every once in a while.

Lately, my life has consisted of gym time, pool time with Cece with lunch, then dinner, then bath, bed and my time to watch BRAVO  TV!!! There are a few days that include visits with Mom and Dad, in-laws, etc.  But, pretty much the same boring things consume my days as I wait with baited breath for the hubby to come home on Thursday nights.  The two interesting additives to my routine are 1) a new found eliptical trainer at the gym that simulates running WAAAYYY better and the workout is super improved!!!!!   The second thing is that preschool summer session began for Cece, so her days will now include some more fun interactions and learning opportunities with keep her body and mind busy and growing!!! Yay Auntie Britni!!!!!

My growing belly looks hilarious (in my opinion)!!! The baby is kicking and moving and it's pretty amazing! 19 weeks and I feel that kiddo doing jumping jacks in there! I can even see it on the outside of my belly and that is pretty crazy this early along.  I don't remember this happening with Hunter until way later in my pregnancy!

I love my kiddos and can't wait to meet this little one, but somehow feel a bit inadequate these days!   When those regrettful parenting moments rear their ugly head, I feel as if I don't have what it takes to be the best mom for Cece! Tonight is NOT an exception!!   I am frustrated and tired and that does not equal great parenting choices! Shouting at my daughter about going to sleep does not a good mommy make!!! She definitely knows how to get to me with her mischevious smile after many attempts at reminding, patting, kissing good night, etc...only to have her standing up in bed !!!!

On a different note....today I entered my car only to be hit by a huge whiff of cat poop!!! I do NOT own a cat and dislike the little buggers, however....a little furry critter decided to take a crap somewhere in my vehicle!!!!! I was gagging while I searched and sprayed and cleaned and never found any trace of cat poop anywhere INside my car.  Now, I am convinced that it must be in the engine compartment or something.  ANother great experience to add to my list of misfortunate incidences includes yesterdays fight with the hairdryer while drying Cece's hair!!!!  My mom and I were forced to break open the hair dryer that decided to eat Cece's hair!!!! Talk about freaking out that I may have to cut a huge chunk of her beautiful locks because of a stupid hair dryer!!!!! Luckily, I we were able to salvage her hair, only losing a small amount after combing through a golf ball size knot!!!!

My birthday was Sunday and it was a nice little day.  I missed my parent's who couldn't attend because of an accident that occurred the previous day!!! My dad slipped while on his crutches and fell pretty hard!! This has left him in alot of pain and pretty well incapaciated while Mom is doing the care-giving and trying to keep her strength up! I'm glad to report that he is feeling better today and slowly regaining strength to be able to do some small things.  I am grateful that they live so close to me and I'm able to help.  My poor mom is being strong...but I know this has been difficult!!!1  I love my parents and am very gateful that we have such a good relationshiop with them!!!!

The Thrill of Running!

Mother's Day!! Showing off church dress!!

 

Preschool Zoo Field Trip 

I miss the thrill of running.  I still manage to get a good workout on the EFX (a more sophistocated eliptical) machine at the gym and can get 10+ miles done in 2 hours, but it's NOT thrilling!!!  My bladder sure appreciates it and I can keep my heart-rate below 150!!! I'm now 15 weeks prego and my uterus is moving out of my pelvis which is a huge relief!!! With not so much pressure on the bladder, it should help with my running aspirations!

Last weekend, the highlight of my running adventures......included hitting the trail with Aaron and Cece (in the jogger) and getting him to run 5 miles.  We did an out-and-back from Folsom Bridge to Willow Creek and before we got to our 2.5 point I was begging him to just try and run 10 miles.  I did have to stop for a pee break every mile or so...(which he is getting used to my poppin' a squat).  At first, seeing his wife search for a bush to piddle next to was rather awkward and he would say...."let me find you a better place" and proceed to search for another 5 minutes to find the perfect, hidden area.  After a few times, he finally realized that I was a professional bush squater and left me to do my business.  We would hit the trail 30 seconds later and he was impressed!!

I am doing more upper body strength training, too.  In an attempt  to keep my core muscles strong (without doing crunches at this point), I am having quite an experience.  I've included more planks and side planks with the body ball and I can totally feel it.  Just experimenting and finding position to engage those core muscles is fun and hilarious all in one!!  I figured out that doing a push-up with my lower legs resting on the ball totally works both my shoulders, triceps, chest and abs (while pregnant anyway).

Anyway...I may be the only one who enjoys reading and writing and talking about fitness crap...so, I will change the subject.  Oh...but one more thing...I'm gonna try to make Aaron run 7.5 miles this weekend.  MMHHH...I don't feel guilty cuz he wasn't even sore after his last run, so...I'm bumping him up!! LOL!!!! (do you hear the evil in my voice)?!!!!!

Cece is loving preschool and getting ready to finish this year in 1 week!!! We will have a free summer of fun and leisure!!! She is a smart little thing and has begun sounding out words.  I have a series of "you can read" books that start with simple words and sight words.  She amazed me when I first opened the book and said..."when you see a C- it makes a  sound like Cat. " and so on.  She picked it up so quickly!   She pretty much reads the first book in the series...and I include guessing in my definition.  It's all part of the literacy process.  She uses the pictures as cues and recognizes those sight words like "and".
I just incorporate it into our night-time reading routine and have really only tried to "read" 5 times total!!!
She will be 4 on July 31and her skills amaze me!!!

On the prego tip, I had my 15 week doctor appointment yesterday and all was well.  I got to meet my doctor for the first time and he is quite a hottie!! I've been seeing his nurse practioner so I had know idea that he wasn't an old, ugly, creepy old man!!!  It was a nice surprise that he was handsome and kind and had a really re-assuring bedside manner.  He came in the room and introduced himself and said.."how's it going?"...with this 'kickin' it' demeanor!!  My blood pressure was great, no weight gained=happy me...and the BEST NEWS of ALL...the baby's heartbeat was super strong and good!! The doctor found it right away with the doppler.

My next appointment will be next month and it will be the "tell all"!!! I'm anxious and that's about it!!! I will even have more anxiety to discuss as the appointment gets nearer.  Boy...let me tell you...I'm a white coat nervous nelly and have to do meditation just to get my heartrate to normal and blood pressure before I go into the room!!!

We are excited to be heading to Santa Cruz next week for a time of togetherness, relaxation and some good fun!!! My sis-in-laws and families and cousins Brad and Karrissa will be there too with their kiddos!! I'm so in love with the beach and just laying on it soaking up the sun and lovin' me some girl talk......Aaron will be there too, but I'm sure he will be happy with just a kiss and a spank on the butt and sending him on his way!! LOL!!!  woo hoo!!!!

The Grief of a 3 year old!

WARNING:  Tears may flow!!!!

Just a quick post to "journal" my experience with Cece tonight at bedtime.  So, earlier today her 4 year old cousin, Kennedy made the comment that the cat at Nanny's house doesn't know Cece because Cece didn't come to Nanny's (their Grandma's) house when she was a baby.  This got Cece thinking and thinking about that and it popped it's head at bedtime.  She said, "Mommy...was I in your tummy?" ....I hesitated because we have talked about the fact that she was in her "first mother's" tummy before we found eachother, so I waited for her to clear it up for herself before I bursted her bubble.  She asked again, this time with tears in her eyes and said, "but...Mommy....I was in your tummy, right?" I started to tear up and couldn't hold back.  With tears rolling down my cheeks I said... "honey, remember....you had to be in your first mother's tummy, then we found eachother...remember?" By this time she is sobbing and I am sobbing. She cried some more and grief stricken said, "But...I wanted to be in your tummy Mommy."

We hugged and kissed and I explained how her first mother would be sad if she didn't get to have her in her tummy first.  Then, I asked if she thought that it would make her more special if she had been in my tummy.  She shook her head yes.  I cried some more.  Then, said a quick prayer in my heart that I somehow could make this little angel feel soooooo incredibly special and that my explanation would help her understand just how special she is!!!!

I did my best to explain this specialness and how Mommy prayed every day and cried to Heavenly Father to help me find her.  And Heavenly Father answered my prayers!!!! uugghghh!!! I am now bawling again!!

So....it is sooooo true what they tell you in these foster-adopt classes about how children have grief and mourning in their bodies and souls that needs to heal!!!! I just hope and pray that our love, guidance and prayers will help her in this healing journey.

Courage, Gratitude and Love!!

So....Mother's Day has now just passed and I can't believe how different one year makes!!
Last year on mommie's day...I was having a pitty party for myself...missing my angel Hunter...yearning to be a mommy again to a special someone.  I can't believe that I am a Mommy NOW in so many ways....!!!!


My pregnancy is going fine and have now passed the 1st trimester and feeling tons better.  I remember this when I was pregnant with Hunter.  This time around, however I am much more thankful for the 2nd trimester cuz I was nauseous as all get out!! My belly's growing but still look bloated and not really pregnant as I enter into week 14.  

I'm finding my courage to face the ultrasound as it gets closer.  I know that knowledge is so important and that I will be able to handle whatever comes our way.  My little baby is counting on me to be brave!! Just as Hunter counted on me and Cece too!!! Being a mommy to a special needs child....or "special situation child"  requires the bravest of Moms!!!

Interestingly...today Cece says to me..."Mommy, you adocted me." We were just talking about how we love eachother or something really basic and she pops off with that fact.  I asked her where she heard that word "adopted" (even though we shared the adoption explanation back in January before and after going to court)....I wondered where she'd heard it lately since I've NEVER heard her actually say it with her own mouth.  She said that she just knows it and that nobody said it to her.

My heart sank as I began to think that she had a negative feeling or a feeling of being different attached to this word "adopted".  I proceeded to remind her that we have always been a family....and that we chose eachother before we came to earth.  We just needed to find eachother again...then the judge signed a paper making sure the "family is forever."......Now we just need to be sealed in the temple!!!!
She kissed and hugged me and was very matter of fact about the whole thing.  She knows in her soul, that we are "forever".. I can't believe how much I just love that girl!!!!

On a running note....this weekend we went on a family trail run!!!! yes....my hubby actually ran 4 miles on dirt trails WITH the jogging stroller and his prego wife...We met Aaron's two brothers and Britni and the girls for an early run on Saturday!!! It was so awesome!!! I did feel like peeing every 30 minutes at first...but the trail was so exhilarating...what a milestone! I'm hoping the hubby can pull this off every saturday from here till September (his 10 mile race)!!! I mean......he needs to train, right? and  of course...he needs me to crew for him LOL!!!!!

Baby talk-ultrasounds...appt...heartbeats and fears!!

My 12 week appointment was last Friday and am now in deep thought concerning the upcoming 20 week ultrasound.  We were able to hear the baby's heartbeat and that was such a relief! The nurse practioner (who is very respectful and kind,ie. good bedside manner) reminded me that this next ultrasound is optional and asked if I planned on getting it.  I agreed to schedule it anyway then, if we decided not to do it I could always cancel.

I am afraid of the unknown.....I am afraid of getting a scary diagnosis....I am afraid !!!!!!!  After pondering and talking about these fears, I realize that I need to get some courage!!! I prayed and prayed and thought some more.  I think I'm finding my courage and strength...and know that I must face the truth of the possibilities whatever they may be.  We will love our baby no matter what and I know this with all of my heart....so why am I so afraid???  I will post again when I have more ideas!!!

In the meantime....I will run and sweat and control the things I can (mostly nothing!!).  I've been enjoying the arc trainer and treadmill lately...squats are my best friend and the gym has been my reprieve!!

Ps.  I miss my hubby lately.  Oh...and he's decided to start training for a 10 mile mud run/obstacle course on Squaw mountain!!! I am gonna kill him~!!! I am soooo jealous!!! This is the same man who refused to run with me for the past 5 years!!!!!!!!His  working out of town crap is getting old!!! I'm can't believe how much my heart overflows with love for my little girl more and more every day!!! She amazes me.  Today, I walked into her room and caught her sitting on her bed with her arms folded.  She said, "I just said a little prayer mommy, so I wouldn't be scared cuz you weren't in here with me."  Wow! love love love

Running and things related (treadmill adventures)

So, I promised this information to ya...but it is a little boring.  I broke down and joined the gym shortly after finding out about the "bun in the oven."  I knew my trail running adventures would be limited and running with my princess would be more challenging, especially since she's getting bigger and I'm getting slower. Plus, the weather just hadn't been very sunny and I was beginning to get so irritable with my lack of mileage!!!

Cece loves the gym "kidz club" because her cousins play there too and our friend and neighbor works there, which makes it not such a "frightening" drop-off situation.  It's turned into quite a peace of mind to know that she doesn't worry about where I am or when I will be back.  I've taken her on a little tour and showed her the treadmill and where it is located.  Now, she asks me how many miles I ran on the treadmill!! She knows that the teachers can call me and I can come right into the kidz club if she needs me to!!! I had to help her in the potty once, so she saw how it works!! It's become such a blessing.  We've never been able to leave her with anyone other than family for almost an entire year...so this feels like a bit of freedom and I don't have a tremendous amount of guilt!!! Haleluja!!!!

I'm 10 weeks along and my body is slowly getting used to the extra blood flow while running.  I feel stronger when I run because I'm not so weirded out by my slower pace and just start out slower and warm up longer.  By 6 miles, I can begin to hit a 8:30-9 minute mile.  Now...that is my normal pace if I'm on pavement and NOT prego.  I was really excited that I was able to run 13 miles on the dreadmill for my long run last weekend.  I managed to log about 30 miles for the week!!! My pace is definitely slower, but it's been nice to be in a controlled environment and be able to stop and go pee in a bathroom and not have to find a bush every .5 a mile or so!!!!  The downside is that it is freakin' boring as all get out and I feel like a hamster on a wheel!!! Plus, not really enjoying the fact that the people on the machines behind me have to witness the jiggle on frequent basis.  There is a little more forgiveness in that area when you're running on trails or pavement.    I miss the challenge of the dirt and rocks and the ESPECIALLY the DOWNHILL!!!! I just love the way the speed and exhilaration feels when your jamming down a rocky, twisty, steep section of a trail.  It shakes you up a bit, but the fancy footwork and  thrill of it all makes me feel alive!!!!

So, I will continue to burn up the treadmill and climb the stair master to my hearts content. There is safety in knowing that I can stop when I need to and pee when I have to.  And  I will enjoy the beautiful weather when it shows it's smiling face by going out on a beautiful run (maybe once a week)....the temptation to hit the trail before I get to darn big in the abdomen area that my balance becomes an issue is overwhelming..!!!!!!

On another beautiful note....My sweet girl ran her first running race on Sunday April 10!!! The day after my scheduled 50 miler (American River 50) was supposed to happen for me....the day I trained for  for months and miles.......Cece "competed" in her very own fun run!!! It was amazing...the race was cute...but I was just amazed by her!!! She was so excited and I could see a little nervousness on her face as we neared the starting line.  Her age division (4 and under) allowed parents to run with kiddos...so we could just see parents' butts in front of us.  I tried to video the whole race, while I ran behind her and cheered for her.  She got a litte anxious and began to stop running cuz she couldn't see me next to her at one point.  I began to shout "Go Cece, Go!! Go Cece Go!!" and she sped up and never looked back as long as she heard my voice!!!! What a champ!!!

Aaron kept teasing me about me living vicariously through our 3 year old daughter~~!!! Yes, it is true.  I was so excited for her to feel the excitement...so in that regard...YEP!!!  She knows all about races and the details like numbers or bibs....camelbacks, GU and carbloading... and believe me...she ate her share of doughnuts before the race!!! She requested them the week previously and already had her mind set on them!!! She said "my body needs energy Mommy and I'm kinda newvous about my race." A girl after my own heart!!!

My next dr. appointment is April 22.  In the meantime gonna do my best to stay prego and be a happier, more joyful Mommy and wifey.  We are settling into this prego business and are all getting rather excited!

Just some thoughts!!! Warning: RANDOM (maybe?)

I'm having lots of thoughts lately, but few of them actually form complete sentences, paragraphs or can complete a sensible blog post.......so I decided to just jot them down as they came to me.

* Gratitude! I am so grateful to HF above and for so many blessings!!!
* Family= love, trust, completeness, interconnectedness, security/safety and a soft place to fall
* I'm a MOM!!! I'm a Mom!!!! It is really happening again! My daughter is MINE....I am her's and WE ARE A FAMILY!!! I feel so blessed!! How can somebody have so many miracles in their life...  Hunter, Cece and now the unexpected, little one...!!!  I thought this would never happen again to me....once my little Hunter graduated from this earth life.....I never thought I would actually be a Mommy again (in this life)......I hoped, I prayed, but I truly never thought it would go down like this!  My little girl has captured my heart in so many ways.....It is amazing  how much she has taught me about LOVE.   I received a package in the mail containing her final adoption report with an overview of her little life.  I have seen this before, but this time....it affected me so differently.  It broke my heart again as I read of her bio family and the date she last saw her b/m.  My heart broke for her.  I cannot begin to imagine how hard that would've been.  No child should ever have to be ripped away from their mother.  Unfortunately, these families NOT = love, trust, completeness, interconnectedness, security/safety and a soft-place to fall. So, these little ones become our little blessings and miracles.  I know that God had a divine role in this union and in the growth of this family!!!

My next post will be about my running adventures and changes that have occurred in my training thus far!! I know you are all dying to read!! LOL!!!!

http://tighthams.wordpress.com/2010/02/01/the-first-trimester-pregnant-runner/

http://tighthams.wordpress.com/2010/02/01/the-first-trimester-pregnant-runner/

Keepin' the Dream Alive!

The title of this post references both the dreams of my sleep and the dreams of my waking life.   I'm sitting here at 4:30 a.m and drinking hot cocoa.  Cece is laying on the couch with orange juice in a sippy cup, watching "Little Bill," and is really excited that I am giving her the freedom to do so at this ridiculously early hour.  Aaron's been working out of town and wakes up at 4am to leave for the bay area.   Last night her stirring and calling for me, resulted in my sleeping in her little bed with her until Aaron's alarm clock woke me up.   I got up to make sure he was getting up for work and the little lady was up and following me around.....We kissed Daddy "goodbye" and her enthusiasm for the morning strongly indicated that I was in for a long morning if I insisted on her going back to sleep.  This is a much better option since, I'm alert enough since my vivid dream is stuck inside my mind and heart.

Hunter was sitting in his little blue chair and smiling widely.  I reached down to pick him up and felt the warmth of his sweet little arms wrapped around my neck.  His love just poured into me and my heart was full.  This was the content of my nightime dream.  I haven't been able to dream alot of Hunter for many months now.  Since the little princess came into our life, heart, and soul my daytime focus is consumed by
thoughts of her and how I can be the best "Mommy" to her.

I imagine that the reason for the nightime dreams turning to my Heavenly Angel, Hunter is due to this pregnancy and my experiences as Hunter's Mommy.  Due to his genetic issues, doctors were very pessimistic of his health and life expectancy from the 20th week of pregnancy on.    Unaware of the fact that Aaron carried a blanced chromosome translocation, we always assumed we would have a handful of kiddos after we settled into married life.  You can imagine our devastation at the 20 week ultrasound, when doctors indicated that he would have birth defects and most likely not make it to birth.  Further blood work detected Aaron's carrier status and traced it back to his paternal grandmother Elva (She was a trooper and agreed to be tested at her fragile age of 82 or so.)  Aaron's father and two of his brothers were also determined to be carriers.  This was a life altering event.

Emotions were heavy as we tried to rally up the courage to be our little guy's parents.  What would this take?  How strong could we be?  Would the pain and sadness of his little life be too much for our marriage?  Would I be able to be strong enough to give him life, only to then let him return to Heaven?  One night, after praying and contemplating these thoughts.....I began to rock in the rocking chair and just
get lost in the stillness of the late night.  I was about 22 weeks along at this point and doctors had given us the option of terminating the pregnancy and we were meeting with them the next day to give our decision.  As I rocked, I allowed my hands to rest on my growing baby belly and a lovely song from my childhood entered my mind.  The lyrics were, "Mother I love you, Mother, I do, Father in Heaven has sent me to you."  Tears filled my eyes and my thoughts became clear.  I was a mother and this baby was my child that was sent from God above.  I had a job to do...and Hunter had a mission to complete.  That was a turning point in my life.   I was no longer confused or confounded by the pessimism and medical terminology that the doctors and specialists so logically and unapologitically offered us.

My Hunter's life and death have greatly influenced me in ways to great to number.  I am a better person because of him.  I learned of my own strength and courage and am greatly inspired by his.  He taught me to never.....NEVER give up!  He taught me to smile and pray ALL THE TIME!!! He taught me that "love" is enough!!! He taught me to NEVER stop dreaming.

So, I sit (now with Cece snuggled next to me) and I feel her sweet love as she holds on to my hair (just the way Hunter did).  I hope that I, too,  can inspire my little princess to dream.....and NEVER GIVE UP!!! 

Ask a Mormon Woman: What are Mormon views on pregnancy, childbirth, and medical intervention?

Ask a Mormon Woman: What are Mormon views on pregnancy, childbirth, and medical intervention?

One week ago, today.....

Exactly one week ago, today......I was running sweep for the popular and grueling Way To Cool 50k, in Cool, CA.  Today, I veg on the sofa while my little princess and my twin princess nieces entertain themselves, by playing dress-up, dancing and enjoying eachother!!!!!  I took the princess out for a run earlier this morning in the jogger and managed to get 4 miles in before the wind and rain got the best of us!! She is quite the little trooper!

I had the best time sweeping last week, even though our speed and level of intensity was quite lacking. It was my 2nd year attending the race, but first year as a "non-competitor." The goal as sweep is to assist the participants as they make their way through the 31 mile course which includes several difficult climbs through rocks and mud and may I emphasize LOTS of mud!!!!

We waited at the start until the last of the runners took off, then followed behind them, making sure that we stayed at the back of the pack at all times.  I must say, the last part was the most challenging, but last week I was having some issues (peeing alot-and just not feeling exactly right)....so the slow pace was actually a nice change (for the most part).  I really enjoyed the 8.5 hours of pleasantly running-walking along the course chatting and encouraging runners.  Helping others is a wonderful feeling and especially when you could make a positive difference in whether they finish the race- or - NOT!

We were thrilled when a slow, but determined fellow was cruising along (walking) as we approached him and he was pretty negative about "running" at all, as his legs were cramping quite a bit.  He had never run more than marathon distance (26.2 miles) and had never done a race of any kind on a"trail."
After much prodding and encouraging from us, he finally began to "run" the last MINUTE rounding the finish line with 30 seconds left until the cut-off~!!!!! AMAZING!!!

It was a great experience, but something about my own well-being was bothering me.  Why was I lacking energy over the past few weeks, peeing soooo much and feeling like my "warm up 4 miles" was taking more like 10-14 miles to feel good.  I did a great 26 mile trail run with a friend earlier about 2-3 weeks earlier and peed alot then, too....but had a great run by finishing strong and feeling awesome~!

I was waiting for Aunt Flow or as my sis-in-law calls it Master P to arrive and it was quite late! So last Monday, I decided to take a hpt-test.  To my surprise and denial, it was positive!!! WHAT THE HECK!!

I was only weeks away from the American River 50 miler that I was totally training for......AND now.....preggo??? My life is an adventure to say the least! My hubby and I finalized the adoption of our beautiful 3 year old- princess on 1-11-11....after 5 years of being childless!!! We had given up on having our own bio-child after losing our 4 year old son to a genetic-illness-and Cancer in 2005 and then doing 2 rounds of IVF-with PGD (genetic screening prior to implantation)..to the tune of  $50,000.00
So, to my dismay.....we are on a journey of a lifetime.  I will explore the details of the emotions behind it all next post!!! Happy Trails to you!!!