I thought it a good idea to copy the post I made to a blog entry by Rosie Pope the "Maternity Concierge" from "Pregnant in Heels". She was airing her feelings related to becoming a mother and how difficult the journey can be for some people and for her in particular. She has two children but each was a struggle to concieve and had suffered multiple miscarriages, etc to finally be where she is today. She asked the question to readers of whether she should "try to get pregnant" once again. She explained the anxiety and heartache that accompanies the journey and even the potential to jump on the "trying train" once again. Here's my reply........(kinda sums up my feelings lately)....
I feel for you Rosie! Children are such a blessing, yet some come by them so easily that the thought of having children or getting pregnant is taken for granted! We are in a peculair position as well...for different reasons, but understand your situation and the emotions surrounding it well. For us it is a genetic issue and having children biologically means taking the risk of passing a biologic condition to our children. We loved and lost a son at four years old and then chose to try IVF with PGS (preimplantation genetic screening). After two failed cycles and no money left, we searchd our souls and decided to pursue the road of adoption. We are now blessed with a beautiful daughter! She came to us from the foster system at almost three (we were really wanting an infant), but it is obvious to us that we were all a match made in heaven. To our shock and utter dismay, we became pregnant by accident (after 10 years of banning that option completely)...And have chosen to NOT find out the genetic status of this baby. I am 30 weeks and scared, happy and still in a little shock to be in this position. But, we know what a blessing each little child is and ALL of the logical matters surrounding the idea of children and family pale in comparison to the love and joy that comes with the blessing of parenting, however these little ones make it into your heart. So, the anxiety, fear and heart ache that are a part of this journey for you and for me go hand in hand with the type of mother that you are. You love your children (even the potential ones) so much and that's what makes you the wonderful mother that you are! If that makes sense... If only there were more mothers like you out there!!! If even the thought of them or not having them makes you fearful or full of anxiety....it is indeed proof that you they are meant for you and you were meant for them!!! Love hurts, doesn't it!!! But it's worth every bit!!!! Sorry for the rant!!!! Best wishes!!!
