WARNING: Tears may flow!!!!
Just a quick post to "journal" my experience with Cece tonight at bedtime. So, earlier today her 4 year old cousin, Kennedy made the comment that the cat at Nanny's house doesn't know Cece because Cece didn't come to Nanny's (their Grandma's) house when she was a baby. This got Cece thinking and thinking about that and it popped it's head at bedtime. She said, "Mommy...was I in your tummy?" ....I hesitated because we have talked about the fact that she was in her "first mother's" tummy before we found eachother, so I waited for her to clear it up for herself before I bursted her bubble. She asked again, this time with tears in her eyes and said, "but...Mommy....I was in your tummy, right?" I started to tear up and couldn't hold back. With tears rolling down my cheeks I said... "honey, remember....you had to be in your first mother's tummy, then we found eachother...remember?" By this time she is sobbing and I am sobbing. She cried some more and grief stricken said, "But...I wanted to be in your tummy Mommy."
We hugged and kissed and I explained how her first mother would be sad if she didn't get to have her in her tummy first. Then, I asked if she thought that it would make her more special if she had been in my tummy. She shook her head yes. I cried some more. Then, said a quick prayer in my heart that I somehow could make this little angel feel soooooo incredibly special and that my explanation would help her understand just how special she is!!!!
I did my best to explain this specialness and how Mommy prayed every day and cried to Heavenly Father to help me find her. And Heavenly Father answered my prayers!!!! uugghghh!!! I am now bawling again!!
So....it is sooooo true what they tell you in these foster-adopt classes about how children have grief and mourning in their bodies and souls that needs to heal!!!! I just hope and pray that our love, guidance and prayers will help her in this healing journey.
Trish, your post has touched me deeply! I know from my own experiences with foster children and the grief they have and how hard sometimes it is for them to heal. I also know first hand what happens when a child from foster care comes to a home full of love, can heal, can change and grow in ways specialists can't explain. I wonder when I will have that conversation with Antwan and I pray he will not only understand but feel the love we have for him. I know Cece feels your love and I know that is what will heal her!
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