My 12 week appointment was last Friday and am now in deep thought concerning the upcoming 20 week ultrasound. We were able to hear the baby's heartbeat and that was such a relief! The nurse practioner (who is very respectful and kind,ie. good bedside manner) reminded me that this next ultrasound is optional and asked if I planned on getting it. I agreed to schedule it anyway then, if we decided not to do it I could always cancel.
I am afraid of the unknown.....I am afraid of getting a scary diagnosis....I am afraid !!!!!!! After pondering and talking about these fears, I realize that I need to get some courage!!! I prayed and prayed and thought some more. I think I'm finding my courage and strength...and know that I must face the truth of the possibilities whatever they may be. We will love our baby no matter what and I know this with all of my heart....so why am I so afraid??? I will post again when I have more ideas!!!
In the meantime....I will run and sweat and control the things I can (mostly nothing!!). I've been enjoying the arc trainer and treadmill lately...squats are my best friend and the gym has been my reprieve!!
Ps. I miss my hubby lately. Oh...and he's decided to start training for a 10 mile mud run/obstacle course on Squaw mountain!!! I am gonna kill him~!!! I am soooo jealous!!! This is the same man who refused to run with me for the past 5 years!!!!!!!!His working out of town crap is getting old!!! I'm can't believe how much my heart overflows with love for my little girl more and more every day!!! She amazes me. Today, I walked into her room and caught her sitting on her bed with her arms folded. She said, "I just said a little prayer mommy, so I wouldn't be scared cuz you weren't in here with me." Wow! love love love
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