Can I just say that I love to dream and wish that dreams were my reality?!!! The truth of the matter is.....my 20 week ultrasound was scheduled for tomorrow, but Aaron is working in SF and unable to make it...so I rescheduled it for a Friday (next Friday). This means that we are delaying the reality of finding out the gender of this little one and the unknown status of his/her genetic status (healthy or affected). I love living in this place of utter denial. It does tend to fill my mind with wonder and a bit of anxiety, but not the kind of anxiety that comes with knowingly carrying a baby with health issues.
So, I type away this evening hoping that little Cece is falling back asleep after having woke herself up because of coughing. Mommy gave her a little drink with honey to help with the froggy throat issue. She has difficulty putting herself to sleep, period... so, this should be interesting. The truth is, I am just plain tired tonight and want her to magically be a little miss self-soother!! I can hear her couging now and I believe it is a faulty alarm because now I hear her talking to herself...Darnit!!!!
I'm back...she's still awake...rocked, sang, rubbed, patted and rocked some more! Still Awake!!! I'm screaming inside...it's been 2.5 hours now and I left her to try again all by herself. Bedtimes have improved tremendously over the past couple of months, but only if there has NOT been any sort of nap. She usually only requires a song and a few minutes of patting, or rocking and VIOLA, she's asleep. Unfortunately...nights like this rear their ugly heads, every once in a while.
Lately, my life has consisted of gym time, pool time with Cece with lunch, then dinner, then bath, bed and my time to watch BRAVO TV!!! There are a few days that include visits with Mom and Dad, in-laws, etc. But, pretty much the same boring things consume my days as I wait with baited breath for the hubby to come home on Thursday nights. The two interesting additives to my routine are 1) a new found eliptical trainer at the gym that simulates running WAAAYYY better and the workout is super improved!!!!! The second thing is that preschool summer session began for Cece, so her days will now include some more fun interactions and learning opportunities with keep her body and mind busy and growing!!! Yay Auntie Britni!!!!!
My growing belly looks hilarious (in my opinion)!!! The baby is kicking and moving and it's pretty amazing! 19 weeks and I feel that kiddo doing jumping jacks in there! I can even see it on the outside of my belly and that is pretty crazy this early along. I don't remember this happening with Hunter until way later in my pregnancy!
I love my kiddos and can't wait to meet this little one, but somehow feel a bit inadequate these days! When those regrettful parenting moments rear their ugly head, I feel as if I don't have what it takes to be the best mom for Cece! Tonight is NOT an exception!! I am frustrated and tired and that does not equal great parenting choices! Shouting at my daughter about going to sleep does not a good mommy make!!! She definitely knows how to get to me with her mischevious smile after many attempts at reminding, patting, kissing good night, etc...only to have her standing up in bed !!!!
On a different note....today I entered my car only to be hit by a huge whiff of cat poop!!! I do NOT own a cat and dislike the little buggers, however....a little furry critter decided to take a crap somewhere in my vehicle!!!!! I was gagging while I searched and sprayed and cleaned and never found any trace of cat poop anywhere INside my car. Now, I am convinced that it must be in the engine compartment or something. ANother great experience to add to my list of misfortunate incidences includes yesterdays fight with the hairdryer while drying Cece's hair!!!! My mom and I were forced to break open the hair dryer that decided to eat Cece's hair!!!! Talk about freaking out that I may have to cut a huge chunk of her beautiful locks because of a stupid hair dryer!!!!! Luckily, I we were able to salvage her hair, only losing a small amount after combing through a golf ball size knot!!!!
My birthday was Sunday and it was a nice little day. I missed my parent's who couldn't attend because of an accident that occurred the previous day!!! My dad slipped while on his crutches and fell pretty hard!! This has left him in alot of pain and pretty well incapaciated while Mom is doing the care-giving and trying to keep her strength up! I'm glad to report that he is feeling better today and slowly regaining strength to be able to do some small things. I am grateful that they live so close to me and I'm able to help. My poor mom is being strong...but I know this has been difficult!!!1 I love my parents and am very gateful that we have such a good relationshiop with them!!!!
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